Humor for the day

[Allen]

Passing on an email I got. Unfortunately I think these are true since I have run across many people like these.

Nothing political here.

My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don?t do that kind of thing.'

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since...

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee.....

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a

service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver?s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

?Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote

[Major Tom]

Sadly, it's this kind of ignorance we see happening more often!
Example: A college student was asked who drsigned and made the first U.S. flag. Answer given: Dianna Ross!

[Allen]

Sadly, it's this kind of ignorance we see happening more often!
Example: A college student was asked who drsigned and made the first U.S. flag. Answer given: Dianna Ross!

Example: Al Gore invented the internet.

How many of us have heard of grocery store cashiers picking up the divider bars to search for a bar code to ring it up?

[bruce]

Move along folks. Nothing here to see. Sincerely. bruce.

[Allen]

I guess this hits too close to home for some folks?

[PWC]

Years ago, at a Kentucky fried, I asked for a pint of baked beans. Counter person said "Is that the large one or the small one?"

[JOHN COOK]

Same thing happened to me at Sonics . Bill was $5.13, gave them $10.00 and 13 cents. Guy gave me $4.00 and change. Told him he owed me five because I gave him the .13 cents. I tried to explain to him and he couldn’t understand. I got ticked off and said the hell with it and left..

John in SC

[fguffey]

An old friend called for help, his riding lawn mower would not start, he purchased a starter motor that cost him $275.00. I found a new motor for $65.00 and had it sent to him, then I instructed him to take his high dollar motor back to where he got it. I do not know why he decided the motor was bad I made it clear, if his motor was good, he would own two motors when I finished because he was not going to send the motor I ordered back.

I arrived, I told him we were going to use the battery from his pick/up. he was horrified, he thought the big battery would blow up his riding lawn mower, so I told him we would use the battery from my pick/up. We hit the ignition, nothing. I jumped the starter neutral switch and by some miracle the starter turned the motor but was engaged while the motor was running. I removed the motor, took it apart, the drive had an over-run meaning the drive was stuck in the flywheel.

I gave him a choice; we could continue using his starter or install the new one. After installing the new motor, I suggested he read the manual. He had to sit on the seat and then push on the clutch and place the transmission into natural. And then I aske4d him how the tore up the mowers grill, he said he tore up both grills, he ran his old mower into the grill on his new mover.

Of course, I was curious about why he had them parked so close. He said he was using jumper cables. and that is how he got both of them.

And then we went inside, he needed help, he had a tool post grinder attached to a lathe, I asked him who wired his shop, he was offended. I told him someone could get killed, he wanted to know, HOW? I told him it was simple, all he had to do was turn over the plug/hook-up wire over on his tool post grinder.

The next day I went over with a ground fault indicator. I went outside and did not find a ground wire running to his shop, so we drilled holes through his concrete floor and drove metal bars into the ground, and then, we made sure everything in the shop had a 3-wire plug.

I am sure he knew something was wrong, he just did not know what.

F. Guffey

[dogtag]

I did the 25c thing so as to get an even dollar bill change, and the young girl checker started crying.
It was years ago at (maybe) Safeway. Not tried it since as I don't like making girls cry.