Funny inspection stories...

[Guamsst]

In Saudi we didn't have actual "inspections" on our tents. But, if someone was a slob an NCO would come by and look at their living area then chew their @$$. We had one guy that apparently wasn't fond of showering and hadn't changed his linens for about 3 months. This info made it's way up to a MSgt who went by to take a look at things. He FLIPPED OUT!!! by his account you could clearly see the outline of the guy on his sheets. Someone asked him if it was really that bad. I doubt I'll ever forget his response. "Was it that bad? HIS SHEETS LOOKED LIKE THE GOTDAM SHROUD OF TURIN!"

While going up for a command wide award for base Fuels flights our base was picked as one of 3 finalists. When the IG team arrived for their 3 day inspection our "icebreaker" had them drunk by 10am so no inspections the first day. Day 2 we dazzled them with BS briefings about our systems and vehicles then off to the club with our "special teams" They were so hung over they did no inspecting on day 3 and almost missed their flight out. We won that years competition.

Not an inspection but funny to me atleast. We had a rash of DUIs and had to perform the retreat ceremony at the Headquarters building in service dress every Friday for I believe two months. I was running late and was worried I would arrive after they sounded retreat and the whole flight (about 100people) would see me and I would never live it down. Luck was with me though. I showed up at the last second but no one noticed as the cops had 2 cars with lights flashing behind my roommates car and had him handcuffed and bent over the trunk of his car in full service dress in front of the Headquarters building. It turns out that two genius cops had arrested him for doing 60 in a 35 even though they had no radar, did not measure his time over distance, or pace him. They admitted he accelerated hard after leaving a stop sign but stopped accelerating after crossing the intersection. How did they figure he was doing 60? "Well, we had to do like 50 to catch up with him" My roommate had the ticket thrown out on grounds of stupidity. Even my roommate freely admitted his Civic could not do 0-60 in the 40ft it took to cross that street and I'm no physicist but I am positive you can't catch a car doing 60 by driving at 50...LOL

[Darreld Walton]

The USAF is never been known for its spit and polish unless you were a SP. In my time the SP's were the like being in the military and the rest of us a loose formation of guys in uniform. For some reason in the mid 80's the SAC IG decided that an open ranks inspection in class A's was going to be part of the visit. Because of this all of us had to buy the wheel hat ie; bus drives hat because almost to a man the flight cap was our head gear.

The IG lands at Minot AFB, a blizzard then sets in, we have snow up to our butt and we are called to the gym for a pre inspection of our class A's. So there we are trying to keep neat and clean busting through snow drifts and snert. There we were in the gym in our class A's with little mud puddles forming around our feet as the snert melted. What a complete joke. All this exercise did was increase sales for clothing sales. I don't think I wore my class A's more then a dozen time in 13 years of active duty. I did wear a parka almost year round though.

Same-same, GI!!! After basic in 1973, the first thing to hit the trash can was the bus driver's cap. Never gave it another thought, until summer of 1978, when our new squadron commander (341 OMMS/MMT) decided to hold open ranks inspection. The run on hats lasted about ten seconds at the BX, and they were gone. Next door neighbor was a sky cop, and offered to loan me his, which I accepted. I hadn't tried the thing on until the evening before, and the thing was at least three sizes too small. Fortunately, I had a "one shift" standby the next morning, and caught a can change (Guidance and Control Set) and didn't have to play.
Ditto on the parka. Additionally, I don't think that I had a set of fatigues in five years that didn't have at least some spot, somewhere, of the red "pucky" that we used to seal the raceway and mating bolts.

[Darreld Walton]

Gotta say, the absolute funniest thing I saw on an inspection, (though it wasn't very funny for us at the time) was in basic at Lackland, 1973.
Most of the guys had two razors, one kept for display and never used, the other in one of those little plastic cigarette pack holders that had an elastic strap so you could keep your smokes at your ankle, and out of your pocket.
Well, the kid in the bunk next to me had his display razor out, when our TI picks it up, looks it over, and asks the young airman if he used the razor......Airman replies, "SIR, YES SIR". The TI bends over real close to the kid, and asks ""now, you wouldn't lie to yer ol' Sarge, now, would you?", kid replies "SIR, NO SIR!" Then the TI picks up the blade pack with the injector, puts in in the razor, pushes a new blade in, and out flies the blue painted, dummy, blunted 'safety blade' installed from the factory, and in slow motion that seemed to take at least ten minutes, the thing flipped and spiraled down and made a tinkling sound that seemed that it could've been heard in the next county..............took awhile for the kid to sit down after the non-surgical glutemus maximus removal.......

[Guamsst]

The Air Force comments about not wearing certain items for ages reminded me that when I went to the NCO academy I had to put two devices on my longevity ribbon. So, it had been atleast 4-5yrs since I had worn my blues...LOL

Friday I had to explain to my boss, a retired supply chief, why I never wear my blues on Mondays as required. Once the whole fuels vs. static producing skin melting polyester thing was explained he seemed to understand.

[Former Cav]

I was at Ft. Cartoon, CO in 1967 in the 1st 77th Armor Bn by the back gate going to Fountain, CO. I can't remember which tank company I was in, but each plt had 5 tanks. Each tank was numbered A-10, A-11 (1st platoon, 2nd would be A-20). Charlie Co would be C-11 etc.
Our OEM equipment had to be laid out on a tankers tarp. This tarp was real heavy canvas and must have weighed about 100 pounds and was probably 20 feet square. On one of the corners, a white square about 3 feet square was painted on it. ON that, was your vehicle number in black paint. (might have been O.D.. it's been a while). One tank was MISSING it's tarp. There was ONE tarp that had all four corners painted OVER on BOTH sides of the canvas. It was midnight requisitioned obviously from tank to tank and company to company. This thing must have weighed about 200 plus pounds and was about a 1/2 inch thick on each corner from all the paint.!! No one ever said anything.
That was the most C.S. station I was ever at. My pay records were screwed up the whole 10 months I was there. (this is why I call Ft. Carson, Fort CARTOON).