Funny inspection stories...

[Art]

When I was in Korea I was assigned to a Nike D/S unit attached to a battery in central Korea. The place hadn't had an inspection of any kind in years and obviously the folks assigned there liked it that way. We were efficient at our job, very efficient in deed, but McHale's Navy had nothing on us. We were the biggest bunch of Sad Sacks as far as appearance went you could possibly immagine. One of the unwritten rules we had was no accidents. Now we supported three batteries and spent a lot of time on those Korean roads that were really sorry then so of course we had accidents. We were a handy lot and just fixed them ourselves, and none of them were ever reported.

There was an old boy who was on his third consecutive tour. He loved the place, no spit and polish, easy access to good liquor and bad women at popular prices. When I got there the old boy hadn't left the country in two years and he still had almost a year to go on his third tour, hell he had re-upped to stay in Korea. Well one night he got "likkered up" and decided to take an M109 Shop Van for a little ride. For you folks who have never seen one it's a 2 1/2 ton 6x6 M35 truck chassis with an insulated about 8x12 room with eletrical hook ups and power jacks to run electronics tests and repairs in the field. I always though one of those M109s would make the greatest camper on the planet. We never used them as a shop that but it could be done. We just used them to get to the work. They were honkin big sunny guns. Well back to the joy ride. Our hero ran the aforementioned M109 van off a cliff, fortunately not a real high one. When the warrant officer who ran our little outfit found him he was sleeping it off on a blanket by the road. I didn't witness this part but from the veracity of the witnesses and my personal knowledge of the players in the piece I'm sure it was reported accurately. The warrant officer was a huge man, 6'7" tall and over 300 pounds. He yanked the blanket out from under the drunk and sent him rolling down the hill. When he came crawling up the warrant officer drew his .45 and said "if you weren't such a d@mned good technician God help me I'd kill you right now."

We got a 5 ton cargo truck with a wench and made an "informal requisition" of a 5 ton wrecker and winched the truck up the hill. then we towed it back to our place and worked 2 1/2 days, day and night, to fix it. The thing looked better than new when we were done and ran fine. There was one fly in the buttermilk though. The frame was bent and the cab had about a 5 degree list to port. There was another problem too, a personal one, the truck was assigned to me. The drunk hadn't bothered to take his own truck.

Well a couple of weeks later we got word that the unit was going to have it's first inspection in nearly 10 years and as part of it we had to stand by our vehicles. Everyone was worried about the truck and no one could think of an explanation. Telling the truth was out of the question of course since we were all co conspirators. I was basically told to "wing it" if I was asked anything about the truck's condition by the inspecting officer. Well the captain who was doing the actual inspection came by asked me a couple of questions, looked at the truck, looked back at me looked at the truck again and started to say something, stopped himself and went to the next guy. I know he was thinking do I really, really want to ask about this truck.

[mike24d20]

Art: What part of Korea were you at? an also what year? I was in country from 73-74 an 75-76. Was in a HAWK missle site an was stationed behind Camp Humphreys an behind Osan AFB as their main air defense. An yes you could find cheap booze an heated floors an even cheaper ######. An do you not miss the smell of kimchee breath in the morning?

[Art]

Art: What part of Korea were you at? an also what year? I was in country from 73-74 an 75-76. Was in a HAWK missle site an was stationed behind Camp Humphreys an behind Osan AFB as their main air defense. An yes you could find cheap booze an heated floors an even cheaper ######. An do you not miss the smell of kimchee breath in the morning?

I was in Korea from 12/67 to 2/69. The few extra weeks I was there got me an early out since I would have had just under 6 months left on my hitch when I left.

My unit was based at Camp Humphries but one independent direct support platoon of us was about 80 miles down the road at a place called Teachon, sometimes spelled Daechon in English. The Nike battery we were right next to but not actually attached to was right down the road from the "Sea Range." The only real connection we had with that Nike site was we ate there.

[mike24d20]

The unit I was with in 73 was A-1-44 an our hq was at Reno hill. In 75 I was with C-1-2 near a ROK army base which is where we got our KATUSAS from. My maintiance shop had a tough lil E-5 from korea that was real good with the missle systems. Fired a lot of missles from Daechon when I was there, also saw secert nike schematics that were beign used too wrap up fish in.

[John Sukey]

One thing i always remembered about IG inspections was that everyone loaded the "extra" spare parts we kept, in the trunks of their cars untill the inspectors left.
The two biggest liars on base.
IG Team; We're here to help you
Base commander; We're happy to see you.

[Dan Shapiro]

Winter - 1968 - Herzogenaurach, Germany. We're awakened in the middle of the night for a "security alert". Everyone dons combat gear and draws a weapon from the armory. Then we're marched out to the base perimeter fence and placed about 20 yards apart from one another in order to repel "demonstrators". About 45 minutes later the 'inspection team' walks the line. The major in charge is incensed that I have no water in my canteen. He wants to know why I'm not prepared to repel demonstrators. I simply said, "Major, if they'd given me ammunition for my rifle, believe me, I'd have filled my canteen."

He didn't ask any more questions.

[Doug Douglass]

Winter 1964, we were the only two Coast Guardsman in NATTU's Photo School at NAS Pensacola in a class of squids, jarheads, waves, and one nasty WM. Since we were E3 and E4 we were in charge of the class, marching, set watches etc.. Sully was a Radarman 3rd class changing rate to a photographer so he could make rate faster and have more shore duty with his young family. I was a SNPH striker and had to do A school before making E4. Well the Navy really didn't know much about the Coast Guard and what to do with us being we were TAD attached to the 8th CG District and paid via the US mail, and me with seaman strips in an avaition rate, all which confused them to no end. So almost anything we said or did was okay with them. Very few Navy even knew what the white shield on our right sleeve was. One day there was a scheduled sea bag inspection and Sully being in for a while and married was short several items in his sea bag and didn't have the money to replace them. Since we were in different rooms I told him I would remove the same issued clothing items he was missing from my sea bag and we would tell the inspecting Navy Lt. that what we had was all that the Coast Guard had issued us. It worked like a charm.

(Last week I drove down to the Navy Air Museum in Penscola and the old photo school building is still there, but a lot of the old frame buildings were wiped our by hurricanes.)

[Dan Shapiro]

During an IG inspection in Germany, the Colonel doing all the inspecting was full of questions. When he finally got done, he smiled and asked me if I had any questions of him. So I said, "Sir, do you ever get tired of the smell of fresh paint where ever you go?"

The 1st Sgt got red in the face, the colonel didn't stop laughing for 5 minutes.

[Ltdave]

when i was a Lowry AFB Colorado, i had been told by a departing roommate, that the easiest way to deal with the room was to make the bed with the spread over the mattress sheet and keep the rest in the wall locker. also to keep an AAFES bag in the wall locker for minor trash like envelopes and clothing tags and the like. that way the bed LOOKS made, the garbage can liner stays clean and you dont have to empty it everyday to avoid catching grief from the 1st Sgt and the Squadron Commander if they should walk through...

i suffered through a couple of more room mates and passed this same information on to them. all went well until the day i was scheduled to PCS to my first duty station after a week of leave...

i walked into the room to get my suitcase, briefcase and camera bag and i would have sworn a bomb had been detonated. seems roomie #3 had left a key to his wall locker someplace not so secure and the 1st Sgt had found it during his room inspection. inside the kids locker were, AT LEAST 12 pizza boxes, 6 AAFES bags full of trash and his bedding all of which, along with his uniforms and civilian clothing, had been strewn around the room with a note stuck on a hangar that was locked to the locker hasps (to come visit the commander)...

i had to literally climb over the mountains of debris and detritus to get my gear from my bed. i got tangled up in something on the way out but managed to 'get free' from the grasp of the mess...

i dont know what ever happened to the young Airman but i cant imagine the rest of his stay at school was very pleasant...

[rayg]

Here's one of mine. Guard duty, Germany 1958. Guard line up and inspected. The sharpest guy appointed as supernumeral which means he didn't have to stand guard unless needed.
Anyway we get in the guard truck driving us to our guard area in the Ammo dump. A large complex with Lots of numbered bunkers and streets. I'm assigned bunker numbers to guard. The truck stopped and tells me to get out. I do, and look around. It's nighttime and dark. Don't see the bunker numbers I'm assigned, he must have dropped me at the wrong place, I start walking and looking for them.
Dark night and a jeep approaches with the officer of the guard, oh oh, still can't find where my bunkers are. He'll ask and then see I'm not near them. So the best thing I could do was try to make a good impression and challenge him by the book.
I yell loudly, Halt, in a command voice, who goes there, the Lt. answers, turn lights out I say, dismount one and advance to be recongized. The Lt. comes up, I salute and say recognized sir.
He gets back in the jeep and takes off with out asking any questions. I continue walking for the next ten minutes trying to find my assigned bunkers and you guessed it, here comes the jeep again and by now I'm on a different street and still have'nt found the bunkers. Again I yell loud Halt in the same command voice, who goes there, the Lt. answers, turn lights out I say, dismount one and advance to be recongized. The Lt. comes up, I salute and say recognized sir.
And away he goes no questions, whew, good thing it's dark and he probably was'nt paying attention where he was.
The guard truck picks us up and and takes us back to the guard house. I never did find those bunkers.
After I get back, the sgt of the guard says the Lt wants to see to you. I think, oh oh, he knows.
Anyway the Lt. says to me, you did a fine job challenging me. You're relieved and the supernumeral will take your place. La tee da, how about that, LoL, Ray