Insults

[Rick]

Remembered another pass time in the Navy besides reading books which most Sailors always had in their rear pocket for reading when standing in Line. We even had to wait in line to take a nature call. So we read allot.

Getting back to the Insults.

A classic was some guy would be boasting about his wedding night and how many times he performed and some guy would chime in. Well I only did it once my wife wasn't use to it.

I heard Don Rickles was a Navy Chief and a master at the insults.

Was wondering about the other branches of the services . Did you guys do this to? Anyone have any good insults, slams, or cut downs to share?

[Liam]

The military language school I attended had all branches enrolled and we shared classrooms, so there was always some light-hearted insults/mocking. SO...the blue deodorant cakes in the urinals were "Marine mints."

Question: How does a Marine say helicopter?

Answer: (While slumped at the shoulder, pointing toward the sky) "ugh, ugh."

Harmless enough stuff.

[Rick]

We gave the Marines a bad time on the ship. They were just so squared away it made us nervous. Did have a Marine lower his M1 on me when I was taking two cans of fruit cocktail from a work detail. Knew they didn't issue any ammunition so handed him one can and headed up the ladder to the Cats. Looking down I saw him and his can heading for the Marine Detachment. We open ours a few months later out to sea and we all got sick on the stuff. Hoping the Marines had the same problem.

Funny about the Marines. My uncle was in the 1st Marine and hit almost all the battles in the Pacific during WW-2. That guy kept me in stitches all the time telling jokes, making sling shots, and taking me shooting all the time. The Marines on our ship didn't have much of a sense of humor. Now most of my friends were Marines and a better bunch of guys would be hard to find. So I've come full circle on the Marines.

Liam I was wondering if you had any sea stories from Mr. Buckles. If you do could you post some.

[sop2510]

There were two Marine jokes that always went around our sub when we were tied up outboard the tender in Rota.

A Marine and a sailor are taking a pee in a bar. The sailor buttons up his 13-button blues and heads for the door. The Marine says, "In the Marines, they teach us to wash our hands after we piss." The sailor says, "In the Navy, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

A Marine and a sailor are getting haircuts. The barber asks the Marine if he wants cologne. The Marine says, "Hell no! My wife will think I was in a whorehouse." The other barber asks the sailor if he wants any cologne. The sailor says, "Sure. My wife has never been in a whorehouse."

[Bill F]

On the AFN radio,the time was 1500 hundred hrs. for you Marines the big hand is on the 12,the little hand is on the 3.......

[alibi]

Well, since this has sort of turned into a "how we put down the Marines" thread I have this story. When I attended the Armor Officer Course at Ft. Knox, most of the cycles had Marines and foreign army officers. There was ten or eleven Marines in our cycle but no foreign officers. One day we went to a classroom where the instructor was a Marine captain. He introduced himself and then asked if there was foreign officers in the class and someone shouted out "We have Marines in the class." This got a big laugh from the class. The instructor did a sort of slow burn, smiled, and fillpped the bird, all in the spirit of military humor and comradery.

BTW most of the Marines were enlisted veterans of Viet Nam tours, had discharged, gone to college on the G.I. Bill and were returning to the Marines as officers so they were pretty salty. One guy washed out the aviator program and had decided to remain in the Marines.

[Nick Riviezzo]

alibi, I attended the Armor Officers Advanced Course in 1975. We too had Marine Officers in our class and all that I knew were good guys. A Captain in my section , was fairly short in stature and took a lot of ribbing but one day we started a new block of instruction and the instructor asked if anyone had a joke to kick this class off. The little Marine Captain said ,Yes Sir! What is green and bloody and lays on the floor quivering? No body knew so,we were enlightened. "The next SOB that tells a short Marine joke!" says he. Ahhh the good old days. Nick

[Michael Tompkins]

My favorites are...

Q. What is the difference between the Boy Scouts and the Army?
A. The Boy Scouts have adult leadership!

and...

Q. What's the difference between a "war story" and a "fairy tale"?

A..Fairy tales begin "Once upon a time..." and war stories begin "This is no sh*t!"

[mike24d20]

You all forgot the best Navy joke of all time. Hows your wife an my kids? Answer back - Your late with the child support payments, now fork over the six pack.

[Rick]

Two sailor getting a hair cut. The barber is just about to slap some good smelling stuff on the first sailor when the sailor stopped him in mid stride. Don't put that on me my wife will think I've been in a French hoe house. Second sailor says Ill take his my wife wouldn't know what a French hoe house smells like.