Practical Jokes

[Guamsst]

We had a guy at RAF Mildenhall who caught a hedgehog and put it in a shoebox. He told everyone that he was going to keep it as a pet. When he left to go take a fuel run the other airmen decided he was too careless and would just let it starve to death. So, they let it go. Then they decided they didn't want to spend half the night hearing him gripe about that so they put a can of Pepsi in the empty shoebox.

Amazing! every time he moved the box or tried to peek inside the can would roll and shift the box and he thought his hedgehog was trying to get out. He took the can home with him at the end of the shift.....LOL Apparently he was a bit confused and not too happy when he got home and realized he had been tricked by a soda can.

[Guamsst]

Also, there is sending the new guy out for 50ft of flightline, 50ft of shoreline (At coastal bases)

Then there are exhaust samples. (not as good with the new "green" diesel engines)

A classic was sending a new guy to get some fallopian tubes. Eventually someone directed him to the med group who sent him to women's health to speak to a gynecologist.

[Former Cav]

QUOTE
A classic was sending a new guy to get some fallopian tubes. END QUOTE

I was in the 1/77th Armor at Ft. Carson CO and we had M-60 tanks there back in 1967. We'd send some new guy to the Alpha company motor pool and tell them to get some tubing for the hyrdraulics inside the turret and it HAD to be Fallopian brand. "Just tell the guy you need some Fallopian tubes and he'll know what you want and how much", of course he'd get to the motor pool and the motor pool Sgt would catch on real quick and tell him he was out of it and to go to Bravo Company, Then Bravo would send him to Charlie Co, etc. They'd finally send the sucker up to Brigade somewhere. It was always entertaining.

Believe it or not, in So. Korea in 1966 they ISSUED "crab ointment" right out of supply, no prescription required!!
those were the days.
Bob

[blackhawknj]

Mine are still "classified" by "The Agency" but here are some I have heard from other veterans:
1. Controlled Substances DO have their usefulness. A Major I served with in the New York National Guard told me that he was once assigned to a Brigade S-2 section. The major in charge was a real jerk, took a dislike to a young soldier (and a good one) who was just doing his time and made it clear that when his enlistment ended (this was in the late 60s-early 70s) he was gone. The major ran that young troop ragged, especially during Annual Training. At the last one, the kid had his revenge. He spiked the coffee with amphetamines. Everyone who partook spent the first week wired, unable to rest, let alone sleep, nervous, jittery, then......
2. You can have a lot fun with ordinary household substances. One Army veteran serving in Germany in the 1970s said the Army had become very paranoid about arms room security and even walking past the locked arms room made you an object of suspicion. Early one morning they had an "alert'-oops, excuse me, "readiness test". Someone had injected glue into the locks of every arms room in the battalion.
3. The US Postal Service is your friend. A Marine serving in the 1980s said they had an E-4 who bucking hard from E-5 and decided the best way to do it was to be an SOB and a p----. At Mail Call he would receive packages that contained-homosexual porn.

[Michael Tompkins]

Duty at the Nike-Herc site was 24 on and 24 off for us MPs. Then we did 4 on 4 off inside the 24 hours. The mess hall sent us down "mid-night chow" on occasion which consisted of a couple of packs of hotdogs and buns. Pretty sad actually. No one really messed with the hotdogs, so they were thrown into the fridge to pile up.

One night, our COR Spec 4 "Bootsy" Collins came into the bunk room to wake us up for the 4 hr shift. He flips the light on and gives us the usual wake-up spiel. His buddy Mallory Gober wasn't getting up and kept going back to sleep. Bootsy went to the fridge and come back with a hotdog in his hand. Meanwhile, most of us had gotten up and were putting on our gear. (We all slept in our clothes because security reasons would not allow us to undress.) It was apparant that Bootsy had something in mind for Gober so we all stood there and watched...about a dozen of us.

Bootsy carefully climbed onto Gober's bunk and then carefully straddled his body with his crotch right in Mallory's face. He unzipped his pants and pulled his junk out. He then started to rub the hotdog back and forth across Mallory's lips. He did this several times until Mallory started to wake up. As soon as Gober opened his eyes, Bootsy hid the hotdog behind his back. So, there he lay with Bootsy's junk in his face and a wet feeling on his lips. Gober yelled and started trying throw Bootsy off him like a bucking bronco. The whole bunk room was screaming with laughter. Bootsy jumped off and ran out with Gober right behind him. Gober chased him around a bit, but then gave up.

Early in the morning at shift change, now it was Bootsy who was asleep in the bunk room. Mallory came down from the tower and we knew that it was going to be time for a little revenge. Mallory went a grabbed one of the larger CO2 fire extinguishers and brought it into the bunk room. He held the large bell-shape nozzle up to sleeping Bootsy's head and let go. In an instant, Bootsy's entire head looked frozen. He jumped up and started chasing Mallory around and eventually they wound up chasing each other around outside. Bootsy was a black guy and his his frozen hair made him look like a human strike-anywhere kitchen match chasing after Mallory. Funny stuff! Mike

[Airborne505]

While on the peace keeping tour with the MFO in the Sinai we had the
C-rats and also started using the mre's. We had OP's all along the coast
and up in the mountains, we would be at one OP for ten days and then transfer
another OP for another 10 days or be on a continues partrol. We had our latrines
about 50 yards plus away from the OP they were metal lockers with a seat in it, they cut the bottom 1/3 off a 55 gal drum and you know the drill, well we had to
burn the s!@$ but what we did was take the small thin C-rat can that had peanut
butter, jelly or cheese and throw one or two in the crap so the first sap that stood there and stirred it while it burned had no idea what was coming. We sat there on the edge of the trenches taking bets how long it would take one of those jelly Bombs to explode. When it did cook off it flew I mean he was covered and man was he mad , started throwing rocks at us we ducked into the trenches laughing, falling down and dodging rocks. From then on we all took our turn with the big stink stick and when you saw the guys at the trench line pointing and laughing you knew you were going to be the days entertainment.

[Sean P Gilday]

Lets see....

Signed an NCO up for the NAMBLA Newsletter, and Ordered some rubber pocket rockets in his name delivered to the Bn Cdr's office, whilestationed as USMA, West Point.

Made a Fake USO Leaflet up saying meet the cast of Star Wars at the South Victory PX in Baghdad the next day and left it in the TOC. Certain 2lt next afternoon was fuming about missing it and My joes kept coming in saying they had pics with Sam Jackson, Harrison Ford, etc driving the 2lt up a wall. He really deserved it.

Same 2lt while at Cp. Stryker someone left a condom with chocolate on the tip and hand lotioninside it on his sleeping bag. He comes in grabs it holding it next to his face screaming who's is this? Myself and other NCO calmly look over and say thought it was yours sir, and go back to our conversation while he realizes he is supposed to be holding a used Condom and freaks out running out of the tent.

Fellow Soldier at tent city, NTC scared of Spiders. While in shower we cover cot in hundreds of plastic toy spiders from PX and cover with Wubbie. Cue scream when he comes in and tries to get in cot

While stationed at a CJ-SOTF compund in Baghdad, renamed a certain Plt Ldrs Land rover gun truck "The Closet" and found a Blank I Heart sticker filled in with 2nd Plt Ldrs first name (Colin)and affixed to rear bumber of same landrover.

[Michael Tompkins]

Lets see....

Signed an NCO up for the NAMBLA Newsletter, and Ordered some rubber pocket rockets in his name delivered to the Bn Cdr's office, whilestationed as USMA, West Point.

Made a Fake USO Leaflet up saying meet the cast of Star Wars at the South Victory PX in Baghdad the next day and left it in the TOC. Certain 2lt next afternoon was fuming about missing it and My joes kept coming in saying they had pics with Sam Jackson, Harrison Ford, etc driving the 2lt up a wall. He really deserved it.

Same 2lt while at Cp. Stryker someone left a condom with chocolate on the tip and hand lotioninside it on his sleeping bag. He comes in grabs it holding it next to his face screaming who's is this? Myself and other NCO calmly look over and say thought it was yours sir, and go back to our conversation while he realizes he is supposed to be holding a used Condom and freaks out running out of the tent.

Fellow Soldier at tent city, NTC scared of Spiders. While in shower we cover cot in hundreds of plastic toy spiders from PX and cover with Wubbie. Cue scream when he comes in and tries to get in cot

While stationed at a CJ-SOTF compund in Baghdad, renamed a certain Plt Ldrs Land rover gun truck "The Closet" and found a Blank I Heart sticker filled in with 2nd Plt Ldrs first name (Colin)and affixed to rear bumber of same landrover.

Somebody was a bad boy! When did you find time to soldier??? Ha! Mike

[Michael Tompkins]

I was due to rotate out of D 5/6 ADA, so I decided to leave a calling card on the roof of the Ready Bldg on the actual missile site. When we weren't in the towers, we were in the Ready Bldg. I found a gallon can of signal yellow enamel paint and climbed up on top of the roof. I popped the top open and just began to pour it out onto the tar pitch roof in great, big 10 foot letters. F....T....A.

I rotated out about a month later to my new duty assignment. It wasn't until I was out of the Army that I heard from a buddy what had happened. I never told anyone I did it, but they guessed it was me. Seems D Battery got a new battalion commander about 6 months after I left. He decided to visit all of the batteries via a UH-1. Saw my art work from above and did some major heel-locking once on the ground. He told me that several of the MPs had to haul sandbags up onto the roof and spread around the sand to cover up the letters. I'm such a stinker! I hated that place, but I got in the last laugh! Mike

[Greg Ficklin]

I was new to BN maint of the 3rd AAV Bn at Camp Del Mar in Camp Pendleton, CA. Our tool room NCO was the most respected and meticulous Sgt.Carmichael. He was very busy with tool room stuff, and seemed in dire need when he ordered me to go up to Top Zimmerman's office. "What do you need Car ?" I asked. .."I need some BA 11 hunded N's...I'm all out of them !" He said.
"It is a form I need to inventory the common set "B". Top Z has a whole stack of them. Go up there and get them for me.
He told me where his office was and reminded me to call him "Sir".
I felt uneasy about the whole thing, something just didn't seem right. But this was a lawful order from a superior NCO. I get to Top Z's office and knocked. He was busy, and seemed a bit irritated that I knocked on his hatch.
" What can I do for you Marine?" I was nervous, seeing all those stripes on his collar. I said " Sgt Carmichael, from BN maint. sent me for some BA-11 hundred N's. He looked really irritated now, as he slammed his pen down on his desk and looked at me. "Are you stupid ?.... You don't look stupid" he said. "Come over here, and write down what he sent you for. He had one of those big desk top calenders that people write on. I wrote B=A-11-00-N ..."Balloon?".... "GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY OFFICE !