View Full Version : Insults
Remembered another pass time in the Navy besides reading books which most Sailors always had in their rear pocket for reading when standing in Line. We even had to wait in line to take a nature call. So we read allot.
Getting back to the Insults.
A classic was some guy would be boasting about his wedding night and how many times he performed and some guy would chime in. Well I only did it once my wife wasn't use to it.
I heard Don Rickles was a Navy Chief and a master at the insults.
Was wondering about the other branches of the services . Did you guys do this to? Anyone have any good insults, slams, or cut downs to share?
The military language school I attended had all branches enrolled and we shared classrooms, so there was always some light-hearted insults/mocking. SO...the blue deodorant cakes in the urinals were "Marine mints."
Question: How does a Marine say helicopter?
Answer: (While slumped at the shoulder, pointing toward the sky) "ugh, ugh."
Harmless enough stuff.
We gave the Marines a bad time on the ship. They were just so squared away it made us nervous. Did have a Marine lower his M1 on me when I was taking two cans of fruit cocktail from a work detail. Knew they didn't issue any ammunition so handed him one can and headed up the ladder to the Cats. Looking down I saw him and his can heading for the Marine Detachment. We open ours a few months later out to sea and we all got sick on the stuff. Hoping the Marines had the same problem.
Funny about the Marines. My uncle was in the 1st Marine and hit almost all the battles in the Pacific during WW-2. That guy kept me in stitches all the time telling jokes, making sling shots, and taking me shooting all the time. The Marines on our ship didn't have much of a sense of humor. Now most of my friends were Marines and a better bunch of guys would be hard to find. So I've come full circle on the Marines.
Liam I was wondering if you had any sea stories from Mr. Buckles. If you do could you post some.
There were two Marine jokes that always went around our sub when we were tied up outboard the tender in Rota.
A Marine and a sailor are taking a pee in a bar. The sailor buttons up his 13-button blues and heads for the door. The Marine says, "In the Marines, they teach us to wash our hands after we piss." The sailor says, "In the Navy, they teach us not to piss on our hands."
A Marine and a sailor are getting haircuts. The barber asks the Marine if he wants cologne. The Marine says, "Hell no! My wife will think I was in a whorehouse." The other barber asks the sailor if he wants any cologne. The sailor says, "Sure. My wife has never been in a whorehouse."
On the AFN radio,the time was 1500 hundred hrs. for you Marines the big hand is on the 12,the little hand is on the 3.......
Well, since this has sort of turned into a "how we put down the Marines" thread I have this story. When I attended the Armor Officer Course at Ft. Knox, most of the cycles had Marines and foreign army officers. There was ten or eleven Marines in our cycle but no foreign officers. One day we went to a classroom where the instructor was a Marine captain. He introduced himself and then asked if there was foreign officers in the class and someone shouted out "We have Marines in the class." This got a big laugh from the class. The instructor did a sort of slow burn, smiled, and fillpped the bird, all in the spirit of military humor and comradery.
BTW most of the Marines were enlisted veterans of Viet Nam tours, had discharged, gone to college on the G.I. Bill and were returning to the Marines as officers so they were pretty salty. One guy washed out the aviator program and had decided to remain in the Marines.
Nick Riviezzo
09-10-2011, 05:57
alibi, I attended the Armor Officers Advanced Course in 1975. We too had Marine Officers in our class and all that I knew were good guys. A Captain in my section , was fairly short in stature and took a lot of ribbing but one day we started a new block of instruction and the instructor asked if anyone had a joke to kick this class off. The little Marine Captain said ,Yes Sir! What is green and bloody and lays on the floor quivering? No body knew so,we were enlightened. "The next SOB that tells a short Marine joke!" says he. Ahhh the good old days. Nick
Michael Tompkins
09-10-2011, 07:03
My favorites are...
Q. What is the difference between the Boy Scouts and the Army?
A. The Boy Scouts have adult leadership!
and...
Q. What's the difference between a "war story" and a "fairy tale"?
A..Fairy tales begin "Once upon a time..." and war stories begin "This is no sh*t!"
mike24d20
09-10-2011, 09:02
You all forgot the best Navy joke of all time. Hows your wife an my kids? Answer back - Your late with the child support payments, now fork over the six pack.
Two sailor getting a hair cut. The barber is just about to slap some good smelling stuff on the first sailor when the sailor stopped him in mid stride. Don't put that on me my wife will think I've been in a French hoe house. Second sailor says Ill take his my wife wouldn't know what a French hoe house smells like.
Nick Riviezzo
09-11-2011, 05:10
I worked with an Artillery Captain aviator in RVN. We were Air Cav[Armor Branch material] and this Arty guy kept saying he'd rather have a sister in a whore house than be an Armor Officer. Well, the retort was obvious, "We'd rather you had a sister in a whore house too. In fact,several of us know her and she wasn't worth her pay, just like you!" That stopped the little puke in his tracks!
As Air Cavalry,we traced our history back to the old Horse Cav days and thusly were proud to wear our Cav hats and scarves,especially where it PO ed the Establishment.So to the oft asked question,"Hey Tex, where'd you leave your horse?". We got pretty adept at responding ," if I left it up your a$$ you'ld know where it was!" Colonels,especially USAF, types sometimes took exception to that line! I wonder why? Nick
Michael Tompkins
09-11-2011, 09:52
Two direct insults that I remember being given by my DI were, "Stand a little closer to your razor next time!" and "What the fu*k did you shine those boots with son? A Hershey bar and a brick?" Mike
Nick Riviezzo
09-11-2011, 01:08
Yes, Michael, and don't forget,"the next time you polish those boots with a Hershey bar take out the G*% D^*# almonds! Some of the "old time" training NCOs[before the Army stole the title DI]had a way of saying "-- cruit" that made you want to slink away on your belly. Nick
How come no jokes about the AF and their 'bus driver' uniforms? I'm insulted, feel bad!
cwartyman
09-11-2011, 04:36
What do you say to a Squid standing on the corner wearing his whites? Ill take two vanilla cones and a chocolate shake.
Whats the lowest form of Marine life? A squid.
What does ARMY really stand for? Aint Ready to be a Marine Yet.
What do you say to a Marine in his dress blues? The bags are in the trunk and you can take them to room 243.
How Tall are you? 5'9". I didnt know they stacked sh@t that high.
Your mother have any children that lived?
Why is an Air Force SSGT only an E-5 instead of an E-6 as in the Army or the Marine Corps? Like anything else in the Air Force its inferior to the other services, does less work but gets more credit than deserve.
Your father should have shot it into the sink.
What do you say to an Air Force EM in his dress uniform? Next stop please.
Remember your first blow job? How'd it taste?
Mack
I used to love hearing one of my First Sergeants call people an "Oxygen Thief"
Griff Murphey
09-11-2011, 05:55
As a Navy dental officer I did not get too many insults. I remember one USMC Captain, LDO mustang type, who made a point of addressing me NOT by my first or last name, or my rank which was the same as his by grade, but by the term "dentist" which he rendered as "denis'" dropping the "t." It did kind of bug me because it seemed to be delivered in a particular sniveling way.
After I won the 3rd Mar Div Rifle and Pistol Intramurals, he never used that term again. It was kind of like, even though I was a fat slug by USMC standards, I could do a military skill he as a Marine could appreciate. He was friendly ever after.
Another time at Camp Pendleton Maj. John Egan, a drinking buddy at the CPen BOQ Bar, saw me in the elevator of the apt building we were both in. He asks me ( I am carrying a PRC-25 to contact Range Control as I was taking some dental techs through rifle qualification) "Doc, why in hell are you carrying that rod-ram radio?! You don't even know how to use that thing!" So I proceeded to teach him a class on the PRC-25 and proper RTP, and he about... Well, you know... "I'll be rod-rammed! You DO know how to use that thing!" I was 6 years out of Army ROTC but I still knew it all.... Can't say I could, today!
Griff Murphey
09-11-2011, 06:57
FOR RICK:
Don Rickles finished WW-2 as an SN on the USS CYRENE, an MTB tender. He played a chief petty officer as CHIEF SHARKEY on tv.
Doug Ford
09-12-2011, 09:19
Had a Master Sgt Supervisor in the AF that would not let me alone as I was a college "Puke"! Finally, I told him that he was so great that I bet he could walk on water!
He agreed with me and I told him that not so great, sh** floats!! He left me alone after that.....
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